Midnight Excursions of the Remarkable Kind
by MoarCowbell
Summary: I have mutinied! I have abandoned my previous ship and boarded the vessel that is DG! So I apologise if the following is grossly inadequate. / In which a certain red-head is asked to meet with everyone's favourite blonde. One-shot. DG


**Midnight Excursions of the Remarkable Kind**

**A/N: I have mutinied! I have abandoned my previous ship and boarded the pirate vessel that is DG! (Although there is a _hint_ of HG in there too)**

**So for all of those well-aquainted with that pairing, please excuse me if the following is grossly inadequate.**

**Anyway, this is yet another product of pent-up creativity. I was originally going to do a chapter fic, but somehow this came out and seeing as it would need to be about the 5th chapter in I decided to upload it as a stand-alone and see what you make of it. Saying that, if anyone likes it I may do a prequel and/or sequel.**

**So many thanks for taking an interest, I hope you like it and please drop me a line!**

I snuck up to the clearing as silent as a mouse, ready for any tricks or a cleverly-disguised ambush the devil's spawn might have laid for me.

Not clever enough to fool me, Malfoy! I am Ginny Weasley, Master of stealth and inconspicu-osity, eyes like a hawk and ears like a bat (not literally of course, I like to think they're nice and dainty), always alert for even the slightest presence of danger!

"Hello Weasley."

"Ack!"

Alright, maybe I wasn't _that_ alert. It _is_ the hour for sleeping, after all.

"Any reason you've been standing there with a crazed look on your face for the better part of 10 minutes now?" Malfoy smirked and leant coolly against a tree.

I can do that.

You're not the only one who _leans_, Malfoy.

I stretched out my hand and placed it awkwardly on the nearest tree trunk, which unfortunately happened to be slightly behind me. I disguised this mildly uncomfortable-looking position with a well-timed hair-toussle. "Oh, I was just... larking about. Preparing for any _tricks_ you may be up to." I paused. "Why did you even tell me to come here, anyway?"

Curiosity got the better of me (don't be a cat now, Ginny) and I peered behind him to survey the scene of the probably-soon-to-be-committed crime. Hmm. Some logs; they could make good weapons if the need arises.

On second thought, I don't think I could lift them.

Ah, a twig!

Much better.

A small campfire; could be VERY dangerous. Best keep well way from that. A bag placed subtly behind a fallen log, almost (eagle eyes!) hidden from view. Probably contains explosives.

Or nunchucks.

"Satisfied?"

Malfoy's slightly irritating voice broke through my itense concentration. "Huwah?"

Nice. Very nice. Now he probably thinks you're not only a crazed stalker but also devoid of any mental competence. "I mean... cool logs."

Even better. Seriously Ginny, you need to connect brain to mouth the next time you open your lips.

Oh great, Malfoy's looking like he's reconsidering inviting me here. Oh, good! Maybe I can make it out alive without having to open a can of whoop-ass!

"Right, well. I thought maybe you'd want to practise what we were doing the other day."

Practise? _Practise?_

What on earth would make him think that I wanted to continue _that_? Did he think I was some sort of easy tart who liked meeting strange boys in the forest in the middle of the night for a bit of tonsil hockey?

Or worse, what if he thinks I _need _practice? Oh, what if I'm horrible at kissing? I'll never get a proper boyfriend!

I stuffed my frantic worries to the back of my mind, and tried to appear cool and unfazed by his lack of faith in my skills in the lip department. "Well contrary to what you may think Malfoy, I happen to admire my kissing skills; and I don't think I _need _any practice."

The git just chuckled and- hold on, since when did Malfoy _chuckle_? Was it even a chuckle? Maybe he had bile rising in his throat and he was trying to swallow it back down.

Oh _Merlin_, what if the idea of kissing me again is enough to produce bile?

"Actually Weasley, I was referring to our spar." He pushed himself off the tree with ease and moved closer to me. "However, if you'd prefer to finish where we left off I'd be more than happy to comply."

Oh, _crap._ Now it seems like I haven't been able to get _that _particular incident out of my mind. Which I had, of course.

I wonder what he thought of my kissing?

One side of Malfoy's mouth turned up in what I'm sure was supposed to resemble a smile, and he turned and moved back into the clearing. "Besides, I don't think you're in any need whatsoever of practice."

Yes!

"Although if you'd like to make sure..."

Git.

This is why I need to refrain from kissing people. Especially Slytherins.

Even if they _are_ sort of good-looking.

"Right, so what are we doing exactly? Practising spells?"

"Mainly hexes in particular. I can show you some that _aren't _in a 5th year's textbook." Malfoy rolled a few logs out of the way -my, he _is_ strong!- and cleared what I supposed was a dueling platform.

My danger senses reared their ugly heads and I scrutinised him quizically. "And what sort of odds are there that you're not just going to curse the metaphorical crap out of me and leave me here to die a slow and painful death?"

"Hmm?" Malfoy glanced up from what he was doing -what _is_ he doing? Oh never mind- and blinked at me. Apparently the idea of leaving me here to succumb to Death's wily ways never entered his mind.

Or maybe that's what he wants me to think.

Malfoys are tricky, you know.

Good-looking ones even more so.

"Look Weasley, I could do with a bit of practice over the summer, and even though you're pretty good for a girl you could too."

"Hmm, a compliment and an insult all rolled into one. Only you could do that, Malfoy."

He just grinned and drew his wand. It scares me when he does that.

Grin, I mean. Of course it doesn't scare me when he takes out his wand; I'm a Master of Stealth and Hexes extraordinaire.

"Are we going to duel, or what?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Oh, never mind. I made a joke..." Obviously my comedic talents were wasted on him.

"I don't get it."

"That's because you don't have a sense of humour." I paused, another piece of jocular gold brewing in my mind. "You probably don't even have a _funny_ bone."

"That's not even remotely funny, Weasley."

There was a moment of silence as I reminded myself that it wasn't _his_ fault he was born without a humerus.

"Bazinga."

Malfoy just groaned and turned his back on me, taking his place in the middle of the makeshift platform.

I tried to stifle my victorious giggles and moved to stand behind him.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

I grasped my wand in hand, counting out the paces as I moved slowly forwards. Reaching the end of the platform I made a beautifully-executed turn on my heel. I am _so_ graceful.

"Furnunculus!"

"Verdimillious!"

Pain shot through my left side as the force from the spell knocked me to the ground; I didn't even have time to register the boils sprouting all over the git's face. "You prat! You said we were doing hexes!"

Malfoy just laughed, putting his hands on his hips and rocking back on his heels. "I said _mainly_ hexes. Not my fault if you're too slow to defend yourself against a first-year spell."

Embarassment and anger spread through me as I pulled myself up and grabbed my discarded wand. "Engorgio Skullus!" I shouted as I lurched forward; any adherence to the rules of dueling chucked out the window.

I cackled with glee as the spotty git's head increased in size fivefold, and he let out a _very_ unmanly whimper.

"What have you done? Weasley, what on earth did you?"

"What, that? Oh, just a simple enlarging spell. Not my fault if you're too incompetent to defend yourself against it!"

"Incompetent? You didn't even follow the _rules_! You can't just hex people randomly!"

Big-head was now positively _dripping_ with anger.

Hee-hee!

"And since when did _Malfoy_ play by the rules? Besides," I continued innocently, flicking my hair over my shoulder, "it's not like Voldemort would justwait aroundfor me to assume the proper dueling position. I was just trying to be realistic."

To my surprise, Big-head just threw his big head back and laughed, which in his present state was a rather unsettling thing to behold.

"So what's the counter-spell for all this?"

I thoroughly debated whether or not helping him. He is a gigantic knob, you know.

Well, he's at least he's got a big head.

Oh.

Dirty Ginny! Impure! Impure! Purge those very thoughts from your mind!

"Redactum Skullus!" I stumbled over the words, my face turning a horribly obvious shade of red. Oh _please_ let him be unskilled in Legilimency!

Thankfully, Malfoy seemed not to notice.

Maybe it was camoflauged by my hair.

"And the boils?"

"Oh right." I paused, realising I didn't _know_ a counter-spell for that. "Uh... about that..."

Malfoy's spotty features darkened. "You better not tell me you don't know the counter-spell."

"Alright, I won't tell you."

"WEASLEY!" He was purely _seething. _"You better fix this _now,_ or you'll be sorry!"

"Hah!" I scoffed, tucking my wand into the back pocket of my trousers. "Like I'm scared of you."

He advanced on me in what I'm sure was supposed to be a rather menacing manner, but with gigantic pus-filled boils over his face just looked disgustedly amusing.

Like a clown with rabies.

Or something.

"Fix. This. _Now._"

"Alright, alright! I'm sure Ron's got some Spots-Be-Gone left over from when he went through puberty."

Malfoy snickered and slung the nunchuck bag over his shoulder. Hmm. I forgot about that.

"Lead the way then, Weasley."

"Allons-y!"

We walked side-by-side back through the forest towards the Burrow, occasionally making small talk. If you've ever tried to make small-talk with a Malfoy you'll know it's a task of Herculean proportions.

"So what's in the bag?"

"Nunchucks."

"Really?" I gasped, delighted with my deducting skillls.

Spotty just laughed in my face. "No, Sherlock. It's tea." And with that he took out a disappointedly normal-looking thermos and poured a cup of heavenly goodness, offering it to me.

I eyed the menacing cup suspiciously. What if it was poisoned tea? What if once I drank it I would sprout several unwanted limbs?

Malfoy seemed to guess my misgivings, gave an exasperated sigh and gulped down a mouthful before again offering me the cup.

"You really need to start trusting me, Weasley."

I scoffed as I took the cup. "Trust you? Alright, I'll trust you when Snape wears a dress."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

What on earth did he mean by that? Does he know something about Snape's personal affairs that I don't? Oh never mind, we're here now.

"Right, come in but be _very_ quiet. If anyone catches you in here they'll probably hex you into oblivion." I paused. "Huh.."

I beamed and opened my mouth to holler something obscene about unwanted physical contact when Malfoy clamped his hand over my mouth.

"Oh no you don't! We're here because _you_ hexed me, Weasley. Now get me that potion!"

Spluttering and trying to ignore the way his hand felt on my face I shoved him off of me. "Alright, come on. But SHUSH!"

"You shush!"

Idiot.

We made our way up tthe first flight of stairs, careful to miss the creaking floorboards.

Well, I was.

Probably should have mentioned that to Malfoy.

"..Ginny?" Hermione appeared at the door of my bedroom, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Is that you?"

Oh _crap_.

"Quick!" I hissed to the Spotty One, shoving him into a nearby cupboard. "Yep, it's me. I was just... getting a drink of water." I toddled over to Hermione and tried to usher her back into my room. "Nothing to worry about, off to bed with you, nighty night!"

"But- but-"

"No buts! A goodnight's sleep is very important for a young woman such as yourself! I'm just going to do -er- homework."

"Oh." Hermione visibly relaxed and snuggled back into her covers. "Goodnight then."

Obviously doing homework at three in the morning is a perfectly acceptable thing in Hermione's world.

Strange girl.

I briefly considered traipsing downstairs for a midnight snack before I remembered the previously good-looking nuisance in my cupboard.

"Oh look, I didn't realise they were filming ads for Clearasil in my house."

Malfoy hissed and clambered out of the cupboard. "I don't even know what that is, but just get these hideous things off me!"

"Oh Malfoy, they're not too bad! At least your jacket's nice!"

"WEASLEY!"

Jeez, what a grumpy git. I suppose being covered in pustules will do that to a guy.

We made the last 4 flights without incident, and I gently pushed open Ron's door without so much as a whisper of noise.

_Stealth._

I stopped in my tracks for a moment as I gazed at Harry, mid-slumber. He really is beautiful when he sleeps. And when he's awake.

Okay, I need to stop this. Anyone would think I'm in love with him.

I tip-toed over to Ron's cabinets, leaving Malfoy looking like he was seriously considering cursing either of the two. Probably both.

Right, now to rifle through his belongings!

Empty chip packets, a half-eaten chocolate bar, odd socks, a -

"AH!"

I stifled a scream as I came across a 'lady book'.

Ew.

Ew ew ew ew EW.

I didn't even know Ron knew what a naked woman's body looked like.

I suppose he's got to get his rocks off somehow.

EW!

Oh Merlin that is a horrible mental image. Be gone, be gone!

I picked up the offending reading material by the corner and flung it across the room, my perfect aim causing it to land squarely on Ron's head.

Oh well, I'm much better with a Quaffle.

Oh dear, now Ron's making some sort of gurgling noise in his sleep.

Malfoy and me fr- sorry Hermione, Malfoy and _I_- froze as we waited for his breathing to return to normal.

"Oh!" I whispered, fishing out a half-empty bottle of Spots-Be-Gone. "Bingo!"

"Good!" Malfoy grabbed my hand and virtually dragged me out of the room, back down 5 flights of stairs and into the kitchen.

"Gently, Malfoy! I'm _precious_."

"Shutup."

Grouchy.

Malfoy smeared the goopy mess all over _his_ goopy mess, and BAM! The Spots-Be-Gone!

Bugger. I've decided I like him better with spots.

Malfoy smiled at me.

Okay, maybe not.

I do _so_ like his smile.

Wait, what?

Oh, nevermind. Nothing wrong with appreciating an aesthetically-pleasing specimen!

"Thanks, Weasley."

A thankyou? Sweet Merlin!

"Even though it _was_ your fault I got into this mess in the first place."

Knew it was too good to be true.

"Anyway... I'd better be..." Malfoy trailed off as he stood in front of me.

_Why_ does he have to have such _pretty_ eyes?

They do _so_ glint in the moonlight.

Oh, come _on_ Ginny! Pull yourself together! You're in very near danger of sounding like one of those terrible Mills and Boon novels Hermione reads but pretends she doesn't.

"Right-ho, Malfoy! Terribly nice to see you! Let's do it again sometime!" I tugged him by his elbow to the door and all but pushed him out.

I would have slammed the door in his face as well had it not been for the Tricky One jamming his in the doorway.

Oh dear, he's doing that leaning thing again.

Best not try that again, Ginny.

"Same time next week?"

Cheeky git.

**Fin.**


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